excerpt on desire

While I have never wanted to be a boy (that is, of course, apart from the various port-a-potty encounters where the ability to stand while peeing would be a very useful skill, indeed), I love the imagery in this passage from Steinbeck's, East of Eden. The thought of being so committed that a child concocts an elaborately organized system of procedures one must go through to get that which she desires. It is as if, the child has an innate sense that desire acquired, costs. There is work involved. Whether it be an internal work, or the work of a contortionist, there is work involved.



"My sister Mary did not want to be a girl. It was a misfortune she could not get used to. She was an athlete, a marble player, a pitcher of one-o'-cat, and the trappings of a girl inhibited her. Of course this was long before the compensations for being girl were apparent to her. Just as we know that somewhere on out bodies, probably under the arm, there was a button which if pressed just right would permit us to fly, so Mary worked out a magic for herself to change her over into the tough little boy she wanted to be. If she went to sleep in a magical position, knees crooked just right, head at a magical angle, fingers all crossed one over the other, in the morning she would be a boy. Every night she tried to find exactly the right combination, but she never could. I used to help her cross her fingers like shiplap."